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I Made

by The Hobby

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1.
June 2016 03:02
I wrote you a letter and I sent it off some months ago, have you read it yet? When the saints were celebrating the risen king, and his march from his tomb When the flowers were opening their petals to the heavens, and praying for tempered rain But that hasn't happened for years, they say Now it's summer and the buds have faded And I can't think to get out of bed When you're struggling to find a purpose And swim through all the red I heard he was passed out at the wheel in the early hours of the morning light When the dew was fresh on the limbs of the tree that he veered you into that night But I'll keep waiting for the day when I won't have to lock away my phone But the months are long and I'm afraid that the winds are slowly closing the door Now it's summer and the buds have faded And I can't think to get out of bed When you're struggling to find a purpose And swim through all the red Cause I wrote you a letter and I sent it off some months ago, you haven't responded yet When the saints were celebrating the risen king, and his march to my head.
2.
Shadows 03:33
Just a shadow, a ghost of nightmares past You're burning out and fading fast Dry lips tug oxygen and perfume from before Keep your head low, and hide from soldiers near Twisting the words we always feared Don't question the notes left on the table by the door When I look into your eyes, I know the sun will never swallow me whole Please dive into my soul See me under the pine tree in the forest of our everlasting love Where the grass is overgrown, and the stars control the space above Our actions and the things we say, when we've burned out and there's nothing we can do I know it's over, cause all my prophecies are true Just a shadow, of things you never meant Throw empty words in hot cement Look past my eyes and shoot your bullets in my head Watch the window for signs of morning light So you can run and escape the fight Pour your incense into my ribcage, chasing my breath as you poison my airways Reanimating these broken bones just to make them look alive To keep up appearances, to swear to God that everything's alright I know my end is very real, but that's not something that you should feel You can either pack your bags or weather the storm I know it's over, cause all my prophecies are coming true I wish that I could blame you (Take note of things unsaid, and Drag me back to your bed, I Dig deep to find your heart, but It's a shadow from the start, I) Just a shadow, a ghost of nightmares past I'm burning out and fading fast Dry lungs tug oxygen and perfume from before Keep your voice low, and graze my fingertips The moments before lips grace lips But don't question the notes left on the table by the door.
3.
I have this constant fear that I'll never be taken seriously The subject of all my mishandled jokes, the topic of all my missing notes But who will sing me to sleep, when I isolate myself And who's the liner of all my dreams when I'm always searching for someone else Oh, how uncomfortable In every situation there's a chance to be let go I can't help myself, and I can't stand that I'm always alone in this House of fire I'll never get out and have a chance in this House of fire And there's no time to see if I'll be missed Now there's a crowd and it's forming in my way, but I'm too afraid to see this charade through to the end So I'll fake a smile and play pretend that I am happy where I am, but that all depends On conversations I never hear, from people that are never near I always wanted to be isolated I always knew I was contaminated I never wanted to avoid the truth But I never knew that I was running from you Oh, how uncomfortable In every situation there's a chance to be let go I can't help myself, and I can't stand that I'm always alone in this House of fire I have this constant fear in this House of Fire.
4.
Affirmation 03:46
I know what you want: Affirmation That everything you do is justified Lose yourself tonight Among the ocean Of swirling rage and lovers' emotions You are a tidal wave, and I'm caught in the undertow As I watch you from afar and question, "when will I draw my line in the sand"? While you sit in your tower of cinder blocks and elevated vines Let your hair down Don't cut me off, don't let me fall When you take your first drink And fall under the tide I'll be by your side I know all your mistakes Down to a timeline How many cups does it take to make the call? How much is enough when I reach my limit for the night, or for a lifetime? Cause I can't support this way of being saved I'm too afraid to watch myself step by the wayside But I'm too afraid To be alone in this darkened sunrise You're only cold when there's no fire in your stomach In every situation I never know how to act Given the influence of happiness and exhaustion I always wish that giving up was my only option but You are a tidal wave, and I'm caught in the undertow As I watch you from afar and question, "when will I draw my line in the sand"? While you sit in your tower of cinder blocks and elevated vines Let your hair down Don't cut me off, don't let me fall I'm tangled in your hair, don't let me fall Stone made by your stare Don't let me fall.
5.
I don't know what's wrong with me But I just woke up from the strangest dream That all the boys went skidding into the side of the barricade And all the girls were flung across the side of the stage When I look at my feet I'm a shadow of myself With my sadness and my anger on the shelf The sun is setting in all its pink and purple glory As the lights turn on and the sky turns all to grey We're all different tapestries that make up the same bed When we run away, the colors fade instead On the way to the party, we spun out of control Too much background noise never served as the soundtrack for my everlasting soul Now I can rest easier in the ground, cause I know no ones around To pull me out, and bring me back to life I ran my hands through my hair and knew I never could deny The million chances I had to ask you "why?" She said, "If i crash this instant, at least I'd look good doing it" Reckless living never kept me far behind Before I leave, I'll burn every bridge that I've built To guarantee there's no trace of survivors guilt When I get to the edge and I question, "why do I act like this?" I wanted to live, but I'm not sure anymore When my friends ask why I'm not the same as before I'll handle it alone, cause I don't know what I'm gonna miss Marriages and successes that I'll never have Cause I've sunk that boat, and burned it all away The sun is setting in all its pink and purple glory When the lights turn on, and the sky turns all to grey We're all different tapestries that made up the same bed When I run away, the colors fade instead I don't know what's wrong with me But I just woke up from the strangest dream That all the boys went skidding into the side of the barricade Breaking bones in this car crash that I Made.
6.
Bleach 05:13
Bathe in bleach The cold embrace of carbon monoxide teeth Chronic pain in the nerves of my brain Make the jump Always question when I'll have had enough I'm counting down the days 'till the final song plays I've lost control, and I can't take it back As I lay in my castle and give in to the attacks The walls are closing in And my head is holding sin I can see the outline of my skull Holding in the shadow of my soul I'm my own chain on my back I make what I give and take And I hope that you're quiet when you sneak out the door So I don't wake up, cause my eyes will never adjust To blinding white light in this unholy night And I don't have to worry about relevancy Cause all of these things are always happening to me I try to escape to the emptiest room But I'm not ready to say goodbye I'm not ready to say goodbye I'm not sure how long I'll be alive But I'm not ready to say goodbye I can't say if I'll meet 25 But I'm not ready to say goodbye (All I can do and it's never enough I'm gambling my life and I'm calling my bluff Steady fixation with commas and lines Burning through pages to buy me some time) Someday the phone will ring And someone will be on the other side of the line To hear all my laments When I've burned all I could and I've finally reached the end I've lost control, and I can't take it back As I lay in my castle and give in to the attacks The walls are closing in And my head is holding sin When I've finally pushed away everyone And there's no place left for me to run Maybe I can start it all again...
7.
A taxi to all your inconvenient truths When you're sitting alone in a crowded room Forever longing for a place to fade away into the deep accepting Arms of everyone who used to feel The idols who pined for something real Every time you grabbed your bouquet of glass and broken-hearted lies This dream I can never share My self-contained nightmare Waking up feels like a dream This chronic state I'm living in Where things end before they begin I just wanted to be part of the team, but now I have nothing Night terrors, I'm staring at the ceiling Never sleeping, from the nights I never threw away And mutual happiness that I am somehow always chasing Speeding to the next mistake The next time that I'm with my friends, and overcome with being used again And if I died right now from a car to the right, it'd be the most beautiful thing you'd see all night As long as everyone could walk away, there'd still be something left to say in the morning When the embers have cooled, and all the blood has pooled around me My private wine and asphalt mixture, the death of your darkened chauffeur I'm close to the end of something grand, and it's a mystery to me How every time I turn a page, there is always new blood across my face I'm a ghost in my own home, when I've ascended and turned multi-toned I'm a star that burned out too soon the shadow of the moon This dream I can never share My self-contained nightmare Waking up feels like a dream This chronic state I'm living in Where things end before they begin I just wanted to be part of the team, but now I have nothing Night terrors, I'm staring at the ceiling Trying to force some meaning Into my life, just for tonight I want to feel real.
8.
Guilt 03:38
My pace is quickening as I slip your skin onto the floor And wrestle with reality, attempt to comprehend that this is more than I was used to Before we went out driving in the dark Injecting your perfume and breathing in the chemicals It's like you're killing me with every single breath you try to take, my brain tries to erase Cause I don't wanna see all of the damage that I'm doing to myself I'm sick and I can't ask for help This all comes natural for everyone, but I can't run You're killing me, your lips chase the last words that you said And maybe I thought I'd be better cause everything was all in my head I know I'll burn for my sins When I die this'll come back again to haunt me like the ghost of everything I'm not Aim your gun, pull the trigger It's like you're killing me, and bathing in the blood of all my innocence, the innocent will soon be condemned It's like you're killing me with every single breath you try to take, my brain tries to erase Cause I don't wanna see all of the damage that I'm doing to myself I'm sick and I can't ask for help This all comes natural for everyone, but I can't run Your chasms of anger, and nightmares' desperation Close the door, pull me in, and lay me on the table I'm dirty and rotten, I'm the king of this landslide Bring your gun to my bed, I'll shoot myself in my own head.
9.
Faith 03:58
A "T" in the dunes, water-starved but soaked in sweat The blood of the condemned spilling its way onto cement Searching far and wide for a way for you to repent Forever serving your sentence with the dead Sharing pain with the petals of the rose We watched the figures of the deformed embryos As I stood by and watched my body decompose But now I'm the only one who doesn't know I never believed in all the rumors and the hearsay through the vine That when you crush all the grapes, they'll someday ferment into wine Now all the sands in the desert will spin me around, blowing me down To my hands and knees on the ground And the town crier said to all who would hear, "Come one come all, and have no fear" But I just stayed inside a single tear And ignored the warnings of the seer As I watched the fires burn on the hill He shouted for everyone to just sit still And close their eyes, and wait until the epitaphs were pressed at the stone mill We saw the message written on the napkin through the mirror's eye Small and pleading, it read, "am I who am i?" I'll always question the growing sea of faces in this cup of infidelity But as he turned the pages in the book, there was no end to the names that the paper took (Am I, who am I?) ((I sing this hymn hoping things'll change Cause I'm too afraid to say it to your face I sing this hymn in hopes you'll stay And be my cover from the rain)) All my life I never believed, now look at me I'm 19 and I'm sinking like a stone in the sea I never prayed, and I never repent Cause no one's coming to die for my sins again I can't blame the sky for not promising rain On the hottest nights without her loving name Cause it's all my fault, it's all the same (I am who I am) The buds ascend into the heavens, their prayers gone unheard So I put my Faith into a four letter word...

about

This album was written at a time in my life where I started to realize a lot of things about myself, and about the world at large. The idea behind "I Made" is the fact that all of the situations that I get into and the things that I feel are directly my fault, because I make the choice to get myself into the situation in the first place. Things in my life started to take a turn around the beginning of June 2016, hence the title of the first song. I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed working on this short album.

Thanks:
My circle of friends, for listening to me rant about my problems and how faux-deep my music is. Jake Strahm once kinda said, "Everything ends, except circles" and I'm sure he didn't mean it like that but circles don't end and neither do you guys.
Shoutout to Luke and Grayson for doing music videos with me (doing all of the work while I stand around acting useful).
Thanks to Brit for the radical artwork, more on that in the credits.
H for opening my eyes to this entire mindset and influencing me to change the things I do.
And you, for listening/reading this bloated bio.

Lastly, if you want more details about the songs, check out the Genius page for the album: genius.com/albums/The-hobby/I-made

Thanks for jamming.

credits

released September 9, 2016

Gabe Massey - writing, recording, mixing, mastering

Huge thanks to Brit Nelson for the artwork, check out more of her stuff here, its all rad: s19h.tumblr.com/tagged/my+art

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The Hobby Bellingham, Washington

Screaming into mics since 2012.

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