I Made

by The Hobby

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03:33
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03:46
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05:13
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03:38
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03:58

about

This album was written at a time in my life where I started to realize a lot of things about myself, and about the world at large. The idea behind "I Made" is the fact that all of the situations that I get into and the things that I feel are directly my fault, because I make the choice to get myself into the situation in the first place. Things in my life started to take a turn around the beginning of June 2016, hence the title of the first song. I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed working on this short album.

Thanks:
My circle of friends, for listening to me rant about my problems and how faux-deep my music is. Jake Strahm once kinda said, "Everything ends, except circles" and I'm sure he didn't mean it like that but circles don't end and neither do you guys.
Shoutout to Luke and Grayson for doing music videos with me (doing all of the work while I stand around acting useful).
Thanks to Brit for the radical artwork, more on that in the credits.
H for opening my eyes to this entire mindset and influencing me to change the things I do.
And you, for listening/reading this bloated bio.

Lastly, if you want more details about the songs, check out the Genius page for the album: genius.com/albums/The-hobby/I-made

Thanks for jamming.

credits

released September 9, 2016

Gabe Massey - writing, recording, mixing, mastering

Huge thanks to Brit Nelson for the artwork, check out more of her stuff here, its all rad: s19h.tumblr.com/tagged/my+art

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about

The Hobby Wenatchee, Washington

Started in 2012, The Hobby is a music project where I rock out and write sad words to sad melodies.

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Track Name: June 2016
I wrote you a letter and I sent it off some months ago, have you read it yet?
When the saints were celebrating the risen king, and his march from his tomb
When the flowers were opening their petals to the heavens, and praying for tempered rain
But that hasn't happened for years, they say

Now it's summer and the buds have faded
And I can't think to get out of bed
When you're struggling to find a purpose
And swim through all the red

I heard he was passed out at the wheel in the early hours of the morning light
When the dew was fresh on the limbs of the tree that he veered you into that night
But I'll keep waiting for the day when I won't have to lock away my phone
But the months are long and I'm afraid that the winds are slowly closing the door

Now it's summer and the buds have faded
And I can't think to get out of bed
When you're struggling to find a purpose
And swim through all the red

Cause I wrote you a letter and I sent it off some months ago, you haven't responded yet
When the saints were celebrating the risen king, and his march to my head.
Track Name: Shadows
Just a shadow, a ghost of nightmares past
You're burning out and fading fast
Dry lips tug oxygen and perfume from before
Keep your head low, and hide from soldiers near
Twisting the words we always feared
Don't question the notes left on the table by the door

When I look into your eyes, I know the sun will never swallow me whole
Please dive into my soul

See me under the pine tree in the forest of our everlasting love
Where the grass is overgrown, and the stars control the space above
Our actions and the things we say, when we've burned out and there's nothing we can do
I know it's over, cause all my prophecies are true

Just a shadow, of things you never meant
Throw empty words in hot cement
Look past my eyes and shoot your bullets in my head
Watch the window for signs of morning light
So you can run and escape the fight
Pour your incense into my ribcage, chasing my breath as you poison my airways

Reanimating these broken bones just to make them look alive
To keep up appearances, to swear to God that everything's alright
I know my end is very real, but that's not something that you should feel
You can either pack your bags or weather the storm

I know it's over, cause all my prophecies are coming true
I wish that I could blame you

(Take note of things unsaid, and
Drag me back to your bed, I
Dig deep to find your heart, but
It's a shadow from the start, I)

Just a shadow, a ghost of nightmares past
I'm burning out and fading fast
Dry lungs tug oxygen and perfume from before
Keep your voice low, and graze my fingertips
The moments before lips grace lips
But don't question the notes left on the table by the door.
Track Name: House of Fire
I have this constant fear that I'll never be taken seriously
The subject of all my mishandled jokes, the topic of all my missing notes
But who will sing me to sleep, when I isolate myself
And who's the liner of all my dreams when I'm always searching for someone else

Oh, how uncomfortable
In every situation there's a chance to be let go
I can't help myself, and I can't stand that I'm always alone in this
House of fire
I'll never get out and have a chance in this
House of fire
And there's no time to see if I'll be missed

Now there's a crowd and it's forming in my way, but I'm too afraid to see this charade through to the end
So I'll fake a smile and play pretend that
I am happy where I am, but that all depends
On conversations I never hear, from people that are never near

I always wanted to be isolated
I always knew I was contaminated
I never wanted to avoid the truth
But I never knew that I was running from you

Oh, how uncomfortable
In every situation there's a chance to be let go
I can't help myself, and I can't stand that I'm always alone in this
House of fire
I have this constant fear in this
House of Fire.
Track Name: Affirmation
I know what you want:
Affirmation
That everything you do is justified

Lose yourself tonight
Among the ocean
Of swirling rage and lovers' emotions

You are a tidal wave, and I'm caught in the undertow
As I watch you from afar and question, "when will I draw my line in the sand"?
While you sit in your tower of cinder blocks and elevated vines
Let your hair down
Don't cut me off, don't let me fall

When you take your first drink
And fall under the tide
I'll be by your side

I know all your mistakes
Down to a timeline
How many cups does it take to make the call?

How much is enough when I reach my limit for the night, or for a lifetime?
Cause I can't support this way of being saved
I'm too afraid to watch myself step by the wayside
But I'm too afraid
To be alone in this darkened sunrise

You're only cold when there's no fire in your stomach
In every situation I never know how to act
Given the influence of happiness and exhaustion
I always wish that giving up was my only option

but

You are a tidal wave, and I'm caught in the undertow
As I watch you from afar and question, "when will I draw my line in the sand"?
While you sit in your tower of cinder blocks and elevated vines
Let your hair down
Don't cut me off, don't let me fall

I'm tangled in your hair, don't let me fall
Stone made by your stare
Don't let me fall.
Track Name: Reckless Living
I don't know what's wrong with me
But I just woke up from the strangest dream
That all the boys went skidding into the side of the barricade
And all the girls were flung across the side of the stage

When I look at my feet I'm a shadow of myself
With my sadness and my anger on the shelf

The sun is setting in all its pink and purple glory
As the lights turn on and the sky turns all to grey
We're all different tapestries that make up the same bed
When we run away, the colors fade instead

On the way to the party, we spun out of control
Too much background noise never served as the soundtrack for my everlasting soul
Now I can rest easier in the ground, cause I know no ones around
To pull me out, and bring me back to life

I ran my hands through my hair and knew I never could deny
The million chances I had to ask you "why?"

She said, "If i crash this instant, at least I'd look good doing it"
Reckless living never kept me far behind

Before I leave, I'll burn every bridge that I've built
To guarantee there's no trace of survivors guilt
When I get to the edge and I question, "why do I act like this?"
I wanted to live, but I'm not sure anymore
When my friends ask why I'm not the same as before
I'll handle it alone, cause I don't know what I'm gonna miss
Marriages and successes that I'll never have
Cause I've sunk that boat, and burned it all away

The sun is setting in all its pink and purple glory
When the lights turn on, and the sky turns all to grey
We're all different tapestries that made up the same bed
When I run away, the colors fade instead

I don't know what's wrong with me
But I just woke up from the strangest dream
That all the boys went skidding into the side of the barricade
Breaking bones in this car crash that I Made.
Track Name: Bleach
Bathe in bleach
The cold embrace of carbon monoxide teeth
Chronic pain in the nerves of my brain

Make the jump
Always question when I'll have had enough
I'm counting down the days 'till the final song plays

I've lost control, and I can't take it back
As I lay in my castle and give in to the attacks
The walls are closing in
And my head is holding sin

I can see the outline of my skull
Holding in the shadow of my soul
I'm my own chain on my back
I make what I give and take

And I hope that you're quiet when you sneak out the door
So I don't wake up, cause my eyes will never adjust
To blinding white light in this unholy night

And I don't have to worry about relevancy
Cause all of these things are always happening to me
I try to escape to the emptiest room

But I'm not ready to say goodbye
I'm not ready to say goodbye
I'm not sure how long I'll be alive
But I'm not ready to say goodbye
I can't say if I'll meet 25
But I'm not ready to say goodbye

(All I can do and it's never enough
I'm gambling my life and I'm calling my bluff
Steady fixation with commas and lines
Burning through pages to buy me some time)

Someday the phone will ring
And someone will be on the other side of the line
To hear all my laments
When I've burned all I could and I've finally reached the end

I've lost control, and I can't take it back
As I lay in my castle and give in to the attacks
The walls are closing in
And my head is holding sin

When I've finally pushed away everyone
And there's no place left for me to run
Maybe I can start it all again...
Track Name: Night Terrors
A taxi to all your inconvenient truths
When you're sitting alone in a crowded room
Forever longing for a place to fade away into the deep accepting
Arms of everyone who used to feel
The idols who pined for something real
Every time you grabbed your bouquet of glass and broken-hearted lies

This dream I can never share
My self-contained nightmare
Waking up feels like a dream
This chronic state I'm living in
Where things end before they begin
I just wanted to be part of the team, but now I have nothing

Night terrors, I'm staring at the ceiling
Never sleeping, from the nights I never threw away
And mutual happiness that I am somehow always chasing
Speeding to the next mistake
The next time that I'm with my friends, and overcome with being used again

And if I died right now from a car to the right, it'd be the most beautiful thing you'd see all night
As long as everyone could walk away, there'd still be something left to say in the morning
When the embers have cooled, and all the blood has pooled around me
My private wine and asphalt mixture, the death of your darkened chauffeur

I'm close to the end of something grand, and it's a mystery to me
How every time I turn a page, there is always new blood across my face
I'm a ghost in my own home, when I've ascended and turned multi-toned
I'm a star that burned out too soon the shadow of the moon

This dream I can never share
My self-contained nightmare
Waking up feels like a dream
This chronic state I'm living in
Where things end before they begin
I just wanted to be part of the team, but now I have nothing

Night terrors, I'm staring at the ceiling
Trying to force some meaning
Into my life, just for tonight
I want to feel real.
Track Name: Guilt
My pace is quickening as I slip your skin onto the floor
And wrestle with reality, attempt to comprehend that this is more than I was used to
Before we went out driving in the dark
Injecting your perfume and breathing in the chemicals

It's like you're killing me with every single breath you try to take, my brain tries to erase
Cause I don't wanna see all of the damage that I'm doing to myself
I'm sick and I can't ask for help
This all comes natural for everyone, but I can't run

You're killing me, your lips chase the last words that you said
And maybe I thought I'd be better cause everything was all in my head
I know I'll burn for my sins
When I die this'll come back again to haunt me like the ghost of everything I'm not

Aim your gun, pull the trigger

It's like you're killing me, and bathing in the blood of all my innocence, the innocent will soon be condemned

It's like you're killing me with every single breath you try to take, my brain tries to erase
Cause I don't wanna see all of the damage that I'm doing to myself
I'm sick and I can't ask for help
This all comes natural for everyone, but I can't run

Your chasms of anger, and nightmares' desperation
Close the door, pull me in, and lay me on the table
I'm dirty and rotten, I'm the king of this landslide
Bring your gun to my bed, I'll shoot myself in my own head.
Track Name: Faith
A "T" in the dunes, water-starved but soaked in sweat
The blood of the condemned spilling its way onto cement
Searching far and wide for a way for you to repent
Forever serving your sentence with the dead

Sharing pain with the petals of the rose
We watched the figures of the deformed embryos
As I stood by and watched my body decompose
But now I'm the only one who doesn't know

I never believed in all the rumors and the hearsay through the vine
That when you crush all the grapes, they'll someday ferment into wine
Now all the sands in the desert will spin me around, blowing me down
To my hands and knees on the ground

And the town crier said to all who would hear,
"Come one come all, and have no fear"
But I just stayed inside a single tear
And ignored the warnings of the seer

As I watched the fires burn on the hill
He shouted for everyone to just sit still
And close their eyes, and wait until the epitaphs were pressed at the stone mill

We saw the message written on the napkin through the mirror's eye
Small and pleading, it read, "am I who am i?"
I'll always question the growing sea of faces in this cup of infidelity
But as he turned the pages in the book, there was no end to the names that the paper took

(Am I, who am I?)

((I sing this hymn hoping things'll change
Cause I'm too afraid to say it to your face
I sing this hymn in hopes you'll stay
And be my cover from the rain))

All my life I never believed, now look at me
I'm 19 and I'm sinking like a stone in the sea
I never prayed, and I never repent
Cause no one's coming to die for my sins again
I can't blame the sky for not promising rain
On the hottest nights without her loving name
Cause it's all my fault, it's all the same

(I am who I am)

The buds ascend into the heavens, their prayers gone unheard
So I put my Faith into a four letter word...