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1. |
June 2016
03:02
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I wrote you a letter and I sent it off some months ago, have you read it yet?
When the saints were celebrating the risen king, and his march from his tomb
When the flowers were opening their petals to the heavens, and praying for tempered rain
But that hasn't happened for years, they say
Now it's summer and the buds have faded
And I can't think to get out of bed
When you're struggling to find a purpose
And swim through all the red
I heard he was passed out at the wheel in the early hours of the morning light
When the dew was fresh on the limbs of the tree that he veered you into that night
But I'll keep waiting for the day when I won't have to lock away my phone
But the months are long and I'm afraid that the winds are slowly closing the door
Now it's summer and the buds have faded
And I can't think to get out of bed
When you're struggling to find a purpose
And swim through all the red
Cause I wrote you a letter and I sent it off some months ago, you haven't responded yet
When the saints were celebrating the risen king, and his march to my head.
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2. |
Shadows
03:33
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Just a shadow, a ghost of nightmares past
You're burning out and fading fast
Dry lips tug oxygen and perfume from before
Keep your head low, and hide from soldiers near
Twisting the words we always feared
Don't question the notes left on the table by the door
When I look into your eyes, I know the sun will never swallow me whole
Please dive into my soul
See me under the pine tree in the forest of our everlasting love
Where the grass is overgrown, and the stars control the space above
Our actions and the things we say, when we've burned out and there's nothing we can do
I know it's over, cause all my prophecies are true
Just a shadow, of things you never meant
Throw empty words in hot cement
Look past my eyes and shoot your bullets in my head
Watch the window for signs of morning light
So you can run and escape the fight
Pour your incense into my ribcage, chasing my breath as you poison my airways
Reanimating these broken bones just to make them look alive
To keep up appearances, to swear to God that everything's alright
I know my end is very real, but that's not something that you should feel
You can either pack your bags or weather the storm
I know it's over, cause all my prophecies are coming true
I wish that I could blame you
(Take note of things unsaid, and
Drag me back to your bed, I
Dig deep to find your heart, but
It's a shadow from the start, I)
Just a shadow, a ghost of nightmares past
I'm burning out and fading fast
Dry lungs tug oxygen and perfume from before
Keep your voice low, and graze my fingertips
The moments before lips grace lips
But don't question the notes left on the table by the door.
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3. |
House of Fire
02:49
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I have this constant fear that I'll never be taken seriously
The subject of all my mishandled jokes, the topic of all my missing notes
But who will sing me to sleep, when I isolate myself
And who's the liner of all my dreams when I'm always searching for someone else
Oh, how uncomfortable
In every situation there's a chance to be let go
I can't help myself, and I can't stand that I'm always alone in this
House of fire
I'll never get out and have a chance in this
House of fire
And there's no time to see if I'll be missed
Now there's a crowd and it's forming in my way, but I'm too afraid to see this charade through to the end
So I'll fake a smile and play pretend that
I am happy where I am, but that all depends
On conversations I never hear, from people that are never near
I always wanted to be isolated
I always knew I was contaminated
I never wanted to avoid the truth
But I never knew that I was running from you
Oh, how uncomfortable
In every situation there's a chance to be let go
I can't help myself, and I can't stand that I'm always alone in this
House of fire
I have this constant fear in this
House of Fire.
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4. |
Affirmation
03:46
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I know what you want:
Affirmation
That everything you do is justified
Lose yourself tonight
Among the ocean
Of swirling rage and lovers' emotions
You are a tidal wave, and I'm caught in the undertow
As I watch you from afar and question, "when will I draw my line in the sand"?
While you sit in your tower of cinder blocks and elevated vines
Let your hair down
Don't cut me off, don't let me fall
When you take your first drink
And fall under the tide
I'll be by your side
I know all your mistakes
Down to a timeline
How many cups does it take to make the call?
How much is enough when I reach my limit for the night, or for a lifetime?
Cause I can't support this way of being saved
I'm too afraid to watch myself step by the wayside
But I'm too afraid
To be alone in this darkened sunrise
You're only cold when there's no fire in your stomach
In every situation I never know how to act
Given the influence of happiness and exhaustion
I always wish that giving up was my only option
but
You are a tidal wave, and I'm caught in the undertow
As I watch you from afar and question, "when will I draw my line in the sand"?
While you sit in your tower of cinder blocks and elevated vines
Let your hair down
Don't cut me off, don't let me fall
I'm tangled in your hair, don't let me fall
Stone made by your stare
Don't let me fall.
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5. |
Reckless Living
04:52
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I don't know what's wrong with me
But I just woke up from the strangest dream
That all the boys went skidding into the side of the barricade
And all the girls were flung across the side of the stage
When I look at my feet I'm a shadow of myself
With my sadness and my anger on the shelf
The sun is setting in all its pink and purple glory
As the lights turn on and the sky turns all to grey
We're all different tapestries that make up the same bed
When we run away, the colors fade instead
On the way to the party, we spun out of control
Too much background noise never served as the soundtrack for my everlasting soul
Now I can rest easier in the ground, cause I know no ones around
To pull me out, and bring me back to life
I ran my hands through my hair and knew I never could deny
The million chances I had to ask you "why?"
She said, "If i crash this instant, at least I'd look good doing it"
Reckless living never kept me far behind
Before I leave, I'll burn every bridge that I've built
To guarantee there's no trace of survivors guilt
When I get to the edge and I question, "why do I act like this?"
I wanted to live, but I'm not sure anymore
When my friends ask why I'm not the same as before
I'll handle it alone, cause I don't know what I'm gonna miss
Marriages and successes that I'll never have
Cause I've sunk that boat, and burned it all away
The sun is setting in all its pink and purple glory
When the lights turn on, and the sky turns all to grey
We're all different tapestries that made up the same bed
When I run away, the colors fade instead
I don't know what's wrong with me
But I just woke up from the strangest dream
That all the boys went skidding into the side of the barricade
Breaking bones in this car crash that I Made.
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6. |
Bleach
05:13
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Bathe in bleach
The cold embrace of carbon monoxide teeth
Chronic pain in the nerves of my brain
Make the jump
Always question when I'll have had enough
I'm counting down the days 'till the final song plays
I've lost control, and I can't take it back
As I lay in my castle and give in to the attacks
The walls are closing in
And my head is holding sin
I can see the outline of my skull
Holding in the shadow of my soul
I'm my own chain on my back
I make what I give and take
And I hope that you're quiet when you sneak out the door
So I don't wake up, cause my eyes will never adjust
To blinding white light in this unholy night
And I don't have to worry about relevancy
Cause all of these things are always happening to me
I try to escape to the emptiest room
But I'm not ready to say goodbye
I'm not ready to say goodbye
I'm not sure how long I'll be alive
But I'm not ready to say goodbye
I can't say if I'll meet 25
But I'm not ready to say goodbye
(All I can do and it's never enough
I'm gambling my life and I'm calling my bluff
Steady fixation with commas and lines
Burning through pages to buy me some time)
Someday the phone will ring
And someone will be on the other side of the line
To hear all my laments
When I've burned all I could and I've finally reached the end
I've lost control, and I can't take it back
As I lay in my castle and give in to the attacks
The walls are closing in
And my head is holding sin
When I've finally pushed away everyone
And there's no place left for me to run
Maybe I can start it all again...
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7. |
Night Terrors
03:31
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A taxi to all your inconvenient truths
When you're sitting alone in a crowded room
Forever longing for a place to fade away into the deep accepting
Arms of everyone who used to feel
The idols who pined for something real
Every time you grabbed your bouquet of glass and broken-hearted lies
This dream I can never share
My self-contained nightmare
Waking up feels like a dream
This chronic state I'm living in
Where things end before they begin
I just wanted to be part of the team, but now I have nothing
Night terrors, I'm staring at the ceiling
Never sleeping, from the nights I never threw away
And mutual happiness that I am somehow always chasing
Speeding to the next mistake
The next time that I'm with my friends, and overcome with being used again
And if I died right now from a car to the right, it'd be the most beautiful thing you'd see all night
As long as everyone could walk away, there'd still be something left to say in the morning
When the embers have cooled, and all the blood has pooled around me
My private wine and asphalt mixture, the death of your darkened chauffeur
I'm close to the end of something grand, and it's a mystery to me
How every time I turn a page, there is always new blood across my face
I'm a ghost in my own home, when I've ascended and turned multi-toned
I'm a star that burned out too soon the shadow of the moon
This dream I can never share
My self-contained nightmare
Waking up feels like a dream
This chronic state I'm living in
Where things end before they begin
I just wanted to be part of the team, but now I have nothing
Night terrors, I'm staring at the ceiling
Trying to force some meaning
Into my life, just for tonight
I want to feel real.
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8. |
Guilt
03:38
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My pace is quickening as I slip your skin onto the floor
And wrestle with reality, attempt to comprehend that this is more than I was used to
Before we went out driving in the dark
Injecting your perfume and breathing in the chemicals
It's like you're killing me with every single breath you try to take, my brain tries to erase
Cause I don't wanna see all of the damage that I'm doing to myself
I'm sick and I can't ask for help
This all comes natural for everyone, but I can't run
You're killing me, your lips chase the last words that you said
And maybe I thought I'd be better cause everything was all in my head
I know I'll burn for my sins
When I die this'll come back again to haunt me like the ghost of everything I'm not
Aim your gun, pull the trigger
It's like you're killing me, and bathing in the blood of all my innocence, the innocent will soon be condemned
It's like you're killing me with every single breath you try to take, my brain tries to erase
Cause I don't wanna see all of the damage that I'm doing to myself
I'm sick and I can't ask for help
This all comes natural for everyone, but I can't run
Your chasms of anger, and nightmares' desperation
Close the door, pull me in, and lay me on the table
I'm dirty and rotten, I'm the king of this landslide
Bring your gun to my bed, I'll shoot myself in my own head.
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9. |
Faith
03:58
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A "T" in the dunes, water-starved but soaked in sweat
The blood of the condemned spilling its way onto cement
Searching far and wide for a way for you to repent
Forever serving your sentence with the dead
Sharing pain with the petals of the rose
We watched the figures of the deformed embryos
As I stood by and watched my body decompose
But now I'm the only one who doesn't know
I never believed in all the rumors and the hearsay through the vine
That when you crush all the grapes, they'll someday ferment into wine
Now all the sands in the desert will spin me around, blowing me down
To my hands and knees on the ground
And the town crier said to all who would hear,
"Come one come all, and have no fear"
But I just stayed inside a single tear
And ignored the warnings of the seer
As I watched the fires burn on the hill
He shouted for everyone to just sit still
And close their eyes, and wait until the epitaphs were pressed at the stone mill
We saw the message written on the napkin through the mirror's eye
Small and pleading, it read, "am I who am i?"
I'll always question the growing sea of faces in this cup of infidelity
But as he turned the pages in the book, there was no end to the names that the paper took
(Am I, who am I?)
((I sing this hymn hoping things'll change
Cause I'm too afraid to say it to your face
I sing this hymn in hopes you'll stay
And be my cover from the rain))
All my life I never believed, now look at me
I'm 19 and I'm sinking like a stone in the sea
I never prayed, and I never repent
Cause no one's coming to die for my sins again
I can't blame the sky for not promising rain
On the hottest nights without her loving name
Cause it's all my fault, it's all the same
(I am who I am)
The buds ascend into the heavens, their prayers gone unheard
So I put my Faith into a four letter word...
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The Hobby Bellingham, Washington
Screaming into mics since 2012.
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