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True Happiness

by The Hobby

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Aseten
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Aseten Some very solid songs on here Favorite track: Highway Hypnosis.
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1.
Open Up 03:51
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I miss my friends They just had to know They say without the pain, you're never gonna grow The summer's soaked in blood on the side of the road The light's been flickering for years, it chills me to the bone I'm standing on the surface of a lake that's six feet deep Ignoring all the signs of a repeating history I have all these ideas for what the afterlife will be Happiness has never been one to lay down at my feet WHY? Am I so far from grace that my words do not resonate? Talking to the walls so that my actions demonstrate the consequence of reaching out to memories of sand Crumbling to pieces in the arms of the damned "Open up a bit," they said "Let it all out, unload you're negativity in any amount." So I guess this is the longform, the words I left unsaid Describing how it feels to think you're better off dead WHY? So this is what it feels like to be stranded in the waste This is what it feels like to be gone without a trace This is what it feels like when I open up the gates, and tell you to your face What a goddamn mistake. *So live a little and leave your bed, so we can make it to the end The wave is coming, just take it slow, and you can wake up in the cold below The lights gone, I'll make you wait so we can set the story straight I'll open up and see your face.
2.
Ashes Fall 04:30
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Ashes fall, ashes fall From a yellow September sky When we shackled our minds and kissed the ground, praise be that we're still alive Hear the sound, hear the sound Of a southern water run Do you feel left out when they put out the fires and left you to burn in the sun? When I saw the bodies in the water I knew that I'd been saved Pulled out from the cycle of ever-crushing waves But as I walked into the forest the Heavens were licked by flames In this moment I had found God's embrace Ashes fall, ashes fall On a sleepy Summer town The nine-to-fives all get out and they bring their kids around Raise your hands, raise your hands How blessed our Father be! He blankets our homes in breathable smoke, and lulls us all to sleep You had cried at the thought of us together, how little did you see? For once we grace the clouds we'll finally be free But you had made a nest in my head, and you never saw the trees And when I flicked the match you went running towards the sea *God is great and God is good when God destroys the neighborhood* Ashes fall, ashes fall At the burial mound we pray for all the loved ones we had lost on the holiest of days Douse my body in kerosene, there are actions to redeem At last I'll become a righteous man atoned of blasphemy *O Lord, set me free!* Ashes fall, ashes fall And we fall down to our knees The mayor declared the fire's out, and everyone's set free.
3.
All Your Friends 04:23
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Keep saying that "it's all in your head," that "we haven't abandoned you yet" I mean maybe this is the starting of a brand new life, when connections are lost, and friends start drifting apart Swim into the lake, make a permanent home Cut off contact and accept that you'll just do it alone All your friends dodge your calls, and make their reasons unknown It's easy to pin the blame when the faults all mine All the times when I was careless never signified that the start of the end was just up my sleeve Please believe Take pictures of the fun that you had, when you said, "it wasn't 'cause we were mad" Until you filled up all your promises with hot concrete Reading between the lines, and seeing truth in the vines Take the weekend off, skip the headstone town Drive into the forest No one can escape this now Say it to my face, the silence I won't allow It's easy to swim the sharks when you're drowning deep All the times when I would jump before I looked at my feet My half-written words are just an apology Please believe I saw the image when she spoke to me, the words were coming out cold, but the message was loud and clear "Don't do this to the ones that you love, you're playing the victim and your bones are drying up in the sun." Stuck in silence with my face at the screen is a fate that I designed myself, when I had every opportunity to just hold on To just hold on To just hold on. How's it feel to know you're wrong when all your friends are gone?
4.
The Reptile 03:30
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Will I be remembered for anything, the sum of my parts? When I split into atoms and trace myself to the start? A portrait of crosses, but stuck in their frame We're divided by footnotes, but we suffer the same You showed up to the house, but you're not on the list The gates are wired open, and your heart's been eclipsed So you put your faith in loving every chance you can take to rectify the droning atmospheric mistake My eyes sunken in The reptile's shedding older skin The price for all my sins The machine longs to be new again But the timing's too far off. And when I put myself into a freezing sleep, will you save all the secrets that I asked you to keep? Or will you find your way into a separate life? What once mattered has been warped and lost in time My skin is drying out The blood is seeping through a stitch in the ground Where once there was a doubt becomes a certainty to lose what I never found *If you can find a way out, you should get out now, before the hand's reaching up to come and drag you down If you can find a way out, you should get out now, before the hand's reaching up to pin you to the ground If you can find a way out, you should get out now, before the hand's reaching up, and you drown.* I hear the voices, they're whispering my name Until they can let go, I'll suffer the same.
5.
True Happiness 02:31
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All hands on deck, 'cause the ship is sunk and there's nothing we can do Inside the factories of parts that make up parts of me and you And all the fading photographs, used up and twisting in the sky I had these stories playing out before my shuttered eyes I never saw the sea, set fire in the leaves I just want to be-
6.
You 03:50
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Rip the skin off of your lips and soak forever in the shadows of the tanks of oxygen you burned to embers You sit around and wonder why your friends won't make the call when you could just as easily end it all Don't worry, if this is the end then you'll never have to try and start it over again The peak of an avalanche that's too steep to climb with every line And empty rhyme If you speak up, you'll start a war Send fledgling armies to your shore At the end of the day, I wish I knew what makes you tick, but with every hope to understand, I'd never hear the end of it You swore you'd never let yourself get in this mess, but now you're jaded and empty just like the rest You walked into the house of mirrors and tried to get clean but the next day you went waltzing to the bottom of the sea *You saw the light, and then it faded through the frame You saw a picture of yourself, and to this day you wonder why it gets so hard to carry on when every day is spent writing what you did wrong* Cut your tongue out and sew your mouth shut Gouge out your eyes and tangle your guts But you'll never run away from your hatred inside 'Cause when the Rapture comes, you'll never survive *Old film photographs are fading from view, dissecting every detail of the portrait of you.*
7.
Highway Hypnosis 03:43
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The highway we drove was colder than it seemed, and all attempts to brake were met with no relief A family was torn, three-fourths of a pack The engine kept running, but I never went back I sat there in silence, an iridescent glow Collecting the pieces of everything I know The snow covers all, no use in waiting The body will lay there until next spring I ran, let you suffer Tied to one another I was never who I thought Your heart beat, then it stopped And it's all my fault, how you slipped away No blood on the wheels, no body in the grave And that should've been me, 'cause four is a crowd but three's company Be buried in the ice and the sleet and the rain, I'd feel it in my core, blood freezing in my veins I'm not sure which is worse, bear witness to the crime or listen to the screams from a face in the night But make no mistake, I understand the catch I can bring life into this world And I can take it back And it's all my fault, how you withered away No memories of steel, no body in the grave I'm a coward in my cave I can grant life, I can take it away I ran, let you suffer Tied to one another I was never who I thought Your heart beat and I became everything I'm not.
8.
Alkaline 03:28
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I've got my hatred dug in deep, I've got this barrel at my feet Crack my head, wind up dead I've read the stories that they wrote, retrace the happiness I stole Alkaline, lose my shine inside this tomb Read the news! Read the news! I'm in a state of navy blue, and though I know the facts I'd rather keep it in rearview Come inside! Come inside! I really have nothing to hide, I wear it on my sleeve but if you ask I'll lie and look you in your eyes I've seen the shores of wanting more, I've had this demon at my door Calling me to the sea I've been wanting a way out more than I care to talk about Ebb and flow, so it goes, I know it's soon *I know I tried to see the light, I know I tried to make this right I know I tried to let it go, please won't you make me comfortable?* **I want a pilot to get out now I want a license to get out now I want a savior to get out now I want a reason to get out now** I've got my hatred dug in deep, I've got this barrel at my feet Crack my head, wind up dead I've read the stories that they wrote, retrace the happiness I stole Alkaline, lose my shine.
9.
The Insect 06:33
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The blinds are locked, but the light's leaking through Reminders of memories that my God withdrew, as he ties them to strings and makes them dance all around Their feet barely gracing the water under which they drown But I got a call, telling me that the fall is the hardest stretch before the climb "It's always darkest before the dawn" Then why are my actions always wrong? I'm growing my wings, and walking the strings Becoming the insect who always clings I'm seeping under your skin, I'll poison you from within And spread my disease before we can begin But I never wanted this, a circle of hope Retracing my fingerprints to find my way back home But it's all of what I own Alone I am the worst version of me, but it's seeping into my time with company And I wish I had a reason more valid than a "chemical deficiency" But isn't that the catalyst, it's all chemical And what I wouldn't give just to feel normal I can try all I like for the rest of my life, but I'll never see the light It all builds up to all that I'll never know, when my heart beats faster and my neurons implode When my safety nets all wither and fray, and I come to the public conclusion that I'll never be Saved I'm growing my wings, and walking the strings Becoming the insect who always clings I'm seeping under your skin, I'll poison you from within And spread my disease before we can begin But I never wanted this, a circle of hope Retracing my fingerprints to find my way back home But it's all that I will ever know.
10.
Death Comes Knocking 03:41
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We were running in circles, but the Man came by to slow it down And the farther I get, how sure I am to hit the ground But I know that it's working, the pill I don't ingest And every day of silence is a trip into the West I see your horizon, it's your song I hear The pathway I need to take has never been clear But every time I wake up, I'm still alive,but darling don't you close your eyes The secrets we shared late that night on the couch were half-baked memos, it's nothing to worry about I know that it seems insincere to cover up holes in the boards on the pier In every dream I die, but I've never felt more alive If I've ever been sick, I've never found a cure In times of rapture, I've never been pure Now monsters are stirring inside this dead machine And pyros are looking to bathe in gasoline But somewhere inside is this picture I found And when I fall asleep, I'm in the background With every mistake, I'm digging this hole I want to see light in the dark I want to make amends with the hole in my heart And when death comes knocking, I know that I can start.
11.
Too Good 03:00
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I wish I had the time to write the songs you like to hear I wanna fill the gap with hopeless words, never that clear I'll change to make it better, circling now, forever One day we'll reach the center, and spiral out again I want to be heard the way you are, to be shown your favorite scars, from the plain to the bizarre, so it goes I wish that the clouds would part my way so it's summer everyday, until the next torrential rain, so I'll wait until the time is right to pander to your ears I wanna cleanse the earth and shake itself of this veneer Beauty in the beholder, fine wine is better older Your ghost is never colder, you were my only friend' Take off all the clothes you never liked Fill up all the empty space at night I wish that you'd see yourself how I see you Too good to be true *I never meant what I said, oh won't you meet me in the red Empty words from an empty head, and now we're bathed in dark again* I think I'd be lost without you I wish I wasn't stuck into my ways, but it's winter everyday, so I'll sit and pray for rain to come But I know it won't.
12.
Fever Dream 04:42
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It's all a lie, the flickering doorstep light still lingers Afraid to find the answers behind grasping fingers Shut your eyes, don't come any closer, this is realized Wave goodbye, the cold of the night, the blade of the knife I counted all the days until the neurons sung their praise Wrapped around the filter of a cigarette in vain Holy clothes and ancient prose will find a way to end the cycle of recycled words the dripped from every pen And in the end, we'll find our way back home The basement boards, warped and bent how you remembered Close the door reeking of every November Tie the cord, swallow pride and keep composure I adore the sweeping sense the night is over I crossed out all my T's and placed a dot on every I To try to circumvent the possibilities I might wake up from this fever dream and land straight on my feet The hope is gone, the scriptures' wrong, I'm pacing towards the start of my last lea- The world spins until its axis comes undone Deep inside this place collects all I have won An empty room, aligned with four walls, peeling thin This manufactured concept that I've become my sins It's easy to get caught up in the terror on your face, as you come to find the king was floating in the pouring rain with a nickel-wound apology dissolving in his neck I hope Hell is just the feeling of a memory that I will forget I will forget.
13.
Shot 07:12
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A million ways to fall apart, a million ways are said A million ways to exacerbate these emotions in my head Perhaps there's an alternate ending, some chance to see the light Another way to see the day, there's some kind of end in sight This is not where the story ends, there's gotta be some way out of this, some way to make amends A solution to every problem lies in the hands of the informed, consider this a wake-up call to be weary and warned The time to act is now, this isn't fixing itself somehow The will to be somewhere removed, a place where the breathing can't go A choir of pleas, singing in dissonant unison, "you know that you're not alone" This is not where the story ends, there's gotta be some way out of this, some way to make amends A solution to every problem lies in the hands of the informed, consider this a wake-up call to be weary and warned The time to act is slipping away, the time to recognize the debts unpaid This is not where the story ends, there's gotta be some way out of this, some way to make amends A solution to every problem lies in the hands of the informed, consider this a wake-up call to be weary and warned The time to act is long passed, this life was never built to last As I spiral down this hole that I've dug myself into tonight I realize there's a million ways to end this one shot that I had at a life (I know the light has gone out) (I'm beginning to feel like I'll never find True Happiness.)

about

When I started work on this album in May of 2017, I initially wanted it to be a five song EP of old material redone, to commemorate the five years I've been releasing music under The Hobby. But the more I worked on it, the more I started to realize that the things I wrote about then were just as relevant as the stuff I was feeling now.

So I started to write. If I was feeling the same way about myself as I was five years ago, had I really changed at all? I mean, I'd gone through years and years of growth, from new experiences and maturity in general, but I still felt like the same depressed 15 year old sitting in his mom's basement. And so, the five song EP stretched into a 55 minute long opus. And it all begs the question: will I ever find true happiness? Who knows. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. But the album's here, ten months later, and it's yours to digest however you want. I've isolated myself, lost contact with friends, strained my relationships, and generally acted out every negative action you can take as someone with a chronic mental disease. But it was all in the name of art, right?

A couple thanks are required:
Thank you to Luke Strahm for his visual expertise and long-lasting friendship, without you this album probably would have been a completely different and worse beast. I love you like a brother.
Thank you to Megan Olsen for putting up with my shit and providing a shoulder to cry on whenever I need it. I love you. And thanks for trekking with me into the woods in search of the perfect album cover.
Thanks to my mom for loaning me your basement to record the majority of the vocals on this album. I love you too.
Thanks to my dad for the words of wisdom that I've taken to heart. They help me every day. I love you too.
Thanks to Darius Steinbrech for letting me record track 6 in your recording space, and thanks to Jackson Powell for letting me tear my vocal chords to shreds on tracks 7 and 12. You guys inspire me everyday to keep pushing for the best artist I can be. I love you both like you're my brothers.
And whoever else put(s) up with me during the recording of this album/in general. If I'm forgetting you, I do care, I'm just forgetful.
Last but not least, thanks to you, for sitting through this longass credits section, and for listening to my album. It's my most important statement yet. I hope you enjoy. Play it loud.

I never meant to surprise you, I kept both my eyes on the road
I clicked both my heels, and I said your name twice, but the third time never took me home
The wonders of living with weights on your chest, and chasing the source of the heat
But I know the answers to life in a fence
I'll crumble like statues and fall in the sea
I'll crumble like statues and someday I'll see
I'll crumble like statues and fall in the sea.

Thanks for listening.

credits

released April 6, 2018

Performances, recordings, mixing, and mastering by Gabe Massey
Artwork and direction by Luke Strahm
Cover photo by Megan Olsen, edited by Luke Strahm

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The Hobby Bellingham, Washington

Screaming into mics since 2012.

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